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Chelsi / 19 / Toronto, Canada

Aspiring model/photographer/bartender.
Highly influenced and interested in fashion, style, gore/horror, art, literature & photography.
This is my personal blog that I'll be using similar to a diary, writing about my daily life, daily problems, daily issues, rants, tutorials, OOTD posts, product reviews, interests, goals, dreams, love and everything inbetween!
Just a typical 19 year old girl trying to put together the pieces of my life while working towards my ideal future. If you would like to know any more about me feel free to check out the 'Author' and 'FAQ' tabs.


If you would like to contact me about anything regarding sponsorships, questions or anything else feel free to E-mail me at

Quick update & long personal post.

I changed my template and to be honest I don't like it. I'll probably add a banner sooner or later but this template will take getting used to. I mean it's okay~ but I liked how it looked before, LOL.
Oh well!!
Now for the personal stuff;;

Looks like I’ll need to wait till I turn 19 to go for my GED. :l Oh well, not like I have to wait that long. I should at least do the bartending classes before winter then when I turn 19 I can go for my GED and either look into colleges or go for flight attendant training. I’m pretty fixed on getting those 3 things.

I need a job and I’ll continue to search for one till I get one. I’m looking at charity work and perhaps that’s the route to go as impatient as I am I need to make my resume look like gold. ;~; uggguuu. I’m looking into temporary jobs too, although it’s not a fixed job it’s something which is better than nothing.

I need a new OHIP card because I lost mine and if I need to go to the hospital in case of an emergency I’m literally fucked. On the bright side the new ones have a photo ID so I won’t need to go through hell picking up packages from the post office since they now want ID with photo and address on it. >:l

I need my passport too~ although I probably won’t be going anywhere too soon but I’m seriously thinking about it Melissa came up with a good idea~ I just wish I could get my GED. ugh, if I can find a way to get my GED early I could look into colleges in NY. Or even if I decide just to work it’d be easier.

For now I’ll keep searching for a job and if I find any charity work or even a temporary job I’ll go for it~ and while I’m doing that there might be some things I can find at the library on the stuff I need to study up on. Now that I think about it I still need to get my resume printed out… I’ll go into my job counselor and use her computer/printer I guess~ OTL

Other than that I think that’s about it.

Now about how I’m doing, I’m okay. Not okay as in fantastically good never been better but just okay. Staying here I don’t think is a good idea and I think everyone knows that. I need to get out. It’s not a life or death type thing but it’s something I’ve been trying to deal with on my own and I don’t think I can do it anymore. Staying here isn’t healthy for me, my mood is shit, my health is shit, everything is a lose/lose situation and here I just feel so alone, I hate it.

My family has helped me a lot I’m not saying I hate them and want to leave and never talk to them it’s just… I can’t deal with it for now. And I really want to put myself together because if I stay here I feel years and years will pass and nothing will change, that scares the shit out of me. Just thinking about how I remember last year like it was yesterday and realizing nothing has really changed is depressing itself. I want change and if I stay here I’m just going to keep going downhill.

Even if I have no help it’s completely fine. But staying here and feeling alone and having no help for some reason it just gets to me to the point where I start to feel like I’m stranded on a deserted island myself. I just really hate it, not my family but the environment, the feeling, it drives me crazy.

Everything here feels too late to start over so I get that yearning for a new completely different environment, just so I can get that sense of starting anew. The thought of me wanting to go somewhere I no nothing about to other people sounds like a stupid idea but to me I’m the kind of person to adapt and grow from it.

To me, describing how I feel is something I’ve always been uncomfortable and awkward with because it’s literally like speaking a foreign language, something I don’t know how to explain with words. But I think I explained myself best as I could even though I talk too much, haha. OTL

I keep worrying people, and for that I’m sorry~
Eventually everything will be okay so I should stay positive rather than getting myself down about things like that.
Things will change, things will get better.

9.16.2011 (16.9.11)